By Victor Salamba

Over 40% of marriages in Kenya are blended families. Below are three things to consider when faced with what can sometimes be a complex journey.

  1. The Ex factor – The biggest enemy of a blended family is not the person you had the child with, but our feelings towards them. If you have moved on to a new relationship, you are more likely to hold your new partner to standards your ex could not fulfil. Your guard may be so high that you judge even before a wrong has been committed. Always remember the former relationship ended for a reason (Numbers 11). Focus on the new, you can build something better than you had before.
  2. Inner Vows – These are the things we quietly say in our hearts as a result of pain or frustration. The danger with this is that it puts us in a place where we have low trust but very high expectations. The new partner is always guilty until proven innocent, and this makes for a very volatile and stressful relationship. Examine your inner vows. Renounce vows you made when you were broken.
  3. Priority – Marriage comes first before children – that is the norm. But in a blended family, children pre-exist before the new marriage and parents were probably used to being with their kids and putting them first. Try to reprioritise as children are a temporary assignment, strive to stabilize your marriage. When you are stable and unified in your marriage you are better able to stabilize your blended family as a unified force.

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